Mommy's Mastectomy

Henley girl-

I am not sure if you'll remember anything mommy has been through, or our family has been through this year...today mommy has a mastectomy. This is phase two of mommy's battle with cancer.

I want you to know how much I love you. You are such a joy to me, each day you bring warmth to my heart. I am so proud of the toddler you are becoming, talkative, strong-willed, gentle, and playful. I love rocking you to sleep, and the sweet time we get just us. And I love seeing you and your sister playing together.

It may take mommy some time to recover, please be patient with me. I will cuddle you as soon as I can and continue rocking you to sleep shortly. We'll have a lot of family in town for Thanksgiving to help, and play with you girlies.

I love you baby girl.

Love,

Mommy

Mommy's Hair is growing back!

Mommy is about to end phase one of this challenging year. My hair is proof we are almost done with chemo, my hair is growing back!

I will have three weeks between the end of chemo and surgery where I am excited to have fun with my family. I want to eat pumpkin pancakes, go to the park, snuggle in our jammies on the couch, laugh on a hike, eat a picnic lunch in the front yard or at the park, have friends over for dinner, dance on the pack porch, bake an apple pie, go to a pumpkin patch, enjoy each other.

You have been such a blessing to me during my treatments. You love me unconditionally regardless of the hairs on my head, the hairless eyelashes and eyebrows, the tiredness in my body. You see me as mommy, and I absolutely love it. You keep me going, you push me forward, I am able to step outside my cancer, my fear and be a mom. I get to laugh, cook, play, teach, read, snuggle, dance, sing and be with my babies.

Thank you my darling baby for loving me so much. Thank you for being my daughter.

Mommy loves you so much.

Summer 2017

This summer has not been an easy one on our family. Especially for you, so many changes have been happening. I had to crash wean you from breastfeeding shortly after your first birthday. I was thankful you were 12 months, but I was sad because you nor I were ready to wean. But, God had a bigger plan for us, so I had to listen.

We moved back into our house and have been laying low. We play a lot in our playroom, go on walks, go to the park, go to the pool and have some playdates. You have been able to play with Ellie, Vivienne, and Jensen...I love watching you be social! Mommy has loved being home with you, watching you grow. You have your own baby babble language that I adore. You look right into my eyes and tell me exactly what is on your mind, even using hand gestures sometimes.

You wake up around 8:00 a.m. everyday, we have breakfast...you love eggs and blueberries, then we play or go on a walk. We have a snack...you love bananas (especially the baby ones), we play some more and then make lunch...we have noodles, grapes, chicken, etc. Then it is nap time, you love your sound machine and I have been putting on your diffuser lately with lavender to help you sleep, you snuggle your blanket and your num num and fall asleep quickly. When you wake up from nap, you usually have thrown everything out of your crib and when I open the door you quickly tell me, "Uh oh!" And point to all you've thrown out. So cute. We go wake up sister, go downstairs to get a snack...freeze dried bananas, dried cherries, peaches or cheese. Then we play some more...you are getting so independent and definitely strong enough to tell your sister when you want to play for something. It makes me proud when you stick up for yourself. Then daddy comes home and we make dinner...chicken or ground turkey with peas, many veggies and rice or beans. You love pretty much any food and are constantly signing for more. You also sign when you are all done. We clean up, maybe take a bath, get in jammies, play, watch a show or movie, drink milk and then I take you up to bed. I put on your sound machine and I rock you for a few minutes. I love looking at your baby blue eyes, and watching you fall asleep.

You're my pumpkin pie. My Henny Hen, my bubby baby. I love hearing your baby language, watching you run around and play independently, I love seeing you in your diaper...that chunky soft baby skin.

I just can't get enough of you. You run to mama when you see me, and it makes my heart swell. Sometimes I wish you could stay my baby forever. But I know only the best is yet to come.

Love,
Mama

My Koala Bear

Hi sweetheart,

I wanted to write you because one day you may come across a picture or hear a story about your mama from this chapter in our lives. So I wanted to talk to you about it myself. Mommy was diagnosed with breast cancer the day after your first birthday. It was completely unexpected. It hit mommy and daddy like a ton of bricks. My first thought was about you girls, my world. I wanted you to be okay.

Over the last two weeks, daddy and I have been through so many appointments, met with different doctors, had different tests done and mommy will be starting chemotherapy on Thursday, June 8th, 2017. I may look different and act a little different. But it is so important that you know how much mommy loves you and how I as your mommy need to focus on being well this year. This medicine will make the cancer go away, so that mommy can laugh, play, travel and be with our family.

It has been rough the last few weeks because mommy has had to crash wean you from nursing and you nor I were ready. Tears have been shed along with sleepless nights, but I think we are through the worst of it. As I was rocking you to sleep tonight, you clung to me like a little koala bear and I absolutely adore it. You are the wings to my soul Henley Charlevoix, you remind me that our arrow points due North to our Lord and Savior. This past year has been an absolute delight. I love watching you grow and learn. I love your chunky baby body, so perfect and healthy and happy. We have the closest bond and I am so nervous about how that will be over the next year. I do not want to miss out, but I know that I must focus on this so that I can be there the next 60 years of your life.

So please forgive me if mommy sleeps in late, please forgive me for not being there to rock you to sleep or make you your dinner. Please forgive mommy for not having much energy to play. But I promise you on my good days, I will laugh, I will kiss you all over, I will make you a snack and I will snuggle you before bed. You are my sunshine Henley. Thank you for always making my heart swell, for filling up my cup, teaching my how love prevails and smiling is the best medicine.

Love,

Your mama

My beautiful baby

Henley, I love you so much. More than all of the stars in the Rocky Mountain sky and more than all the grains of sand on the Sleeping Bear Dunes. You bring me so much joy. I love your laughter, your new found sense of independence. I love that you still want cuddles with me. I love that you suck your thumb and snuggle your blankie. I love your ocean eyes that are truly windows into your sweet soul. I am falling more in love with you everyday and I know you are going to grow to be an incredible young woman. Your sister will learn to share her heart with you and become your best friend. Give her grace and continue loving her the way that you do.

I look forward to all the amazing memories we have ahead... of family trips, starting school, hearing your first words, tea time, swimming lessons, cooking together, reading together.

You are truly the light of my life. Thank you for bringing me purpose and joy.

You are a fighter, a lover, a brave, strong, beautiful, smart darling girl.

Don't let anyone put you down or make you feel less. Stand tall and always know we are here, not only as your parents but as people who love Jesus, who love you and want to bring you comfort, safety, peace and joy. Please never shut us out. If I am not here, always go to your daddy he loves you more than you'll ever know.

You are meant for great things. I cannot say enough how proud I am and how much I love you.

I want to breathe you in. I want to imprint your smile on my heart. I want to cuddle your precious baby chunk for as long as you'll allow. I want to record your laugher and see your wobbly walk a million times over. I will always want to cuddle with you.

Thank you for choosing me. You answered daddy and my prayer. We wanted Henley Charlevoix to join her sister and you were sent to us. We can never express how grateful we are for your. Our Colorado cutie. We love you so. You are the wind in my wings.

Love,
Mama

11 months and WALKING!

You have been determined to walk...every time you fell you'd get back up and try again. And finally you just kept walking! It's the cutest walk too. Daddy and I can't believe you are 11 months old...so close to being in our lives for a year!

You're so happy and love to explore. You have loved picking up purses lately, trying to brush your teeth and copying everything your big sister Halen does. It so so so sweet.

You're doing awesome at swim lessons, learning more every class. You have started going to the nursery at church since you're walking and want to play. It makes mommy a little sad the more independent and grown up you get, but it also makes me happy and excited to see your little personality develop.

I love you so my beauty!

Love,

Mama

As I lay you down to sleep...

Here I sit cradling you, as you rest your head on my chest, belly filled with milk after nursing. I sit here and gaze at your beautiful face, your hair is getting so long, your skin is so soft, your long eyelashes, I love your chunky thighs and how your hand is clutching my shirt, just to stay close to me.

You're my baby and in three days you'll be 11 months old. You're my baby and you took your first steps a week ago. You're my baby and you are ready to explore all that lays in front of you. You're my baby and a part of me is sad, sad to let go of you as my baby. Sad to watch your body grow to where you no longer lay in my lap. Sad to "lose" you as my baby.

But at the same token, I am so happy. Happy to watch you thrive, play, laugh, discover. I am proud to watch you achieve each milestone. I am joyful to have a front row seat watching your life unfold,

I love you so. My little. My baby. No matter how old you get. And tonight I'll hold you a little bit longer and soak up this moment, as you slumber in my arms. 😍

Love,

Your mama

Standing up is really cool when you're 10 months old

Sweet baby Henley! You're 10 months old! I can hardly believe it. You are everywhere...you want to explore everything. You crawl and pull up and cruise along the couch. You even stand up on your own and just stand there with amazing balance. You love food...all kinds you eat beans, watermelon, blueberries, apples... all cut up. Because ever since you got your first tooth you want to eat like a big girl.

You are still nursing great. You have started playing with your sister and boy does she make you laugh...and then make you cry. (She can be a tough lover.) You can say, "Dada," and know who your daddy is. You beam when your YaYa enters the room.

This month we've had Valentines Day and swim classes, the weather is warmer and I've loved dressing you in cute onesies. AND I can put your hair in one or two pigtails, so that is super cute. You are such a ham, so smiley and happy. I LOVE being home with you.

Life is better with you in it beautiful baby.

Love,

Mommy

Nine months... the littlest big girl is emerging

Henley! My baby is growing up too fast! I love this stage so much, but some moments I look at you and you're already acting like you're a big girl. How is that possible?? Time is truly incredible. How it can seem to last forever and then go by in an instant.

You are the sweetest, happiest ham. Your belly laughs could cure the darkest of days. Your smile melts my heart. I absolutely love being your mama and being home with you everyday all day. Such a blessing. You love to wave and have registered waving is to say hi. You love to clap! Especially when we sing. You are a pro at army crawling and have gotten up on all fours to truly crawl a few times. You pull up everywhere...the couch, the pack n play, on toys, even the rock n play where new babies from the daycare sleep. It's wild to see younger babies than you because in my mind you are the baby.

Your hair is getting so long, it's definitely darker than your sisters and Yaya swears you have curls. :) I can put your hair into a little pony tail right on top. It's so cute! You sleep pretty great, only getting up to nurse once a night. You are still nursing beautifully, but you want food. I've made you all kinds of yummy foods, mostly vegetables. Like zucchini, turnips, rutabagas, green beans, peas. And you like it all. I even give you big slices of cantaloupe, honeydew or orange to gnaw on and you love it. You still have no teeth. You love swim class, you are up to four seconds under water!

You love being around your sister and mommy. Daddy makes you smile. You have shown some separation anxiety lately, which is endearing for me. You love the Johnny Jumper, we put you in it the other night at Julie's house. You are starting to get into everything.

You are pure joy my Henley Charlevoix. Twenty two pounds of soft, darling, happy joy.

I love you so my little one.

Love,
Mama

Eight months ... Waving and clapping

Henley! You are growing so fast. I can hardly keep up. You had a big leap of growth this month...you are waving, clapping your hands, eating a lot of different vegetables, you even pulled up in your crib! Oh and you sleep great in your crib. You weigh 22 lbs and are so happy. You love mama's milk and really anything to do with mama. We are joined to the hip baby love. 

I absolutely love staying home with you, I'm not sure how long I'll be able to so I am going to cherish every moment. Speaking of which sometimes I swear you're trying to say, "Mama." 😍 

We went to Main Event this month, we went on some runs, you still don't like bottles. But you do love your new sippy cup! We may bypass bottles altogether. I love this journey with your darling girl. 

Love, 

Mama